I have lived the darkest of days, actually been fearful and flinched in fear of the man I loved and devoted my life too. It is a dreadful, soul stealing feeling. Putting it into words for someone that has never experienced it is impossible. I lied for him, when I look back now, I have no idea why, maybe I thought it would change, maybe it was because I saw the good person on the good days, but really it is because I am the person that always wants to help. I take on the burden of every one's problems and tries to fix them, that is just who I am. I make friends easy, I like everyone, I will give until I have nothing left to give.
A couple weeks ago I had a conversation with my Dad and he still had no idea that my husband abused me like he did and even still I don't think he realizes the severity of the situation I was in. I think if he did he may go crazy. I am so thankful that I was able to confide in my sister, my mother and my friends, especially Andrea through all of this or I would have been so lost. I cannot do or say enough to thank them for their continued support.
Next week I face him for the final time, I regain my TRUE independence from him. I will no longer carry his name, however I will always carry the memory of the pain. I am so much stronger now, I am so much happier now and I am so thankful for the people that have come into my life because of the choices I have made.
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