It was a weird week. Saturday I met up with an old friend I have known since High School. We had it all planned out ahead of time, her boyfriend was going to bring her to my house and she was going to spend the night and she was going to get picked up Sunday morning. Well Saturday evening she called me bawling her eyes out that he left her and the kids stranded, literally in the middle of the road, no car, nothing. So many emotions came flowing back to me.
Not to long after I found out I was pregnant with Christian, Jim left me and Breauna in the bitter cold at Kensington Park, at night to walk home. It took us about 4 or 5 hours along 2 lane roads, knee deep in snow (no joke). At one point a couple even stopped and offered to pick us up because they said they almost hit us because they could not see us on the side of the road. I just remember how cold our feet were, and my stomach was so crampy I was so scared I was going to lose the baby.
All those feelings of being stranded came rushing back to me, so I went and got her and those kids and I made them pack their stuff and come stay at my house. I remember what it was like when the electricity was about to be shut off because "extra curricular" things were more important. The cable was shut off because it was "his" money and I was just waiting for the landlord to come knocking on the door with the eviction notice, it was such an un-nerving feeling. I knew that it would throw other plans I had on Sunday off, but I could not help it I have an amazing support system and I could not let her sit there and cry like that, she has to know there is always a way out. I let the fact that there was only one car hold me back, I let him tell me I was a bitch and a cunt and no one would ever love me.
So, today is what would have been my wedding anniversary, but you know what's so funny, we never really celebrated it and that pissed me off so bad. I wanted to go out to dinner or go away for the weekend, I wanted to celebrate "us", and not once did we ever do it. So really this "anniversary" is no different than any of the other ones.
The night we got married was a joke, 200 people came and went and the night ended in disaster with him treating me like complete crap in front of EVERYONE including my family & closest friends. It was such an embarrassment the way he screamed at me in front of everyone.
Ironically, I found out today that on August 31st we sign our divorce papers, I will be officially single again, as long as he shows up for this court date. It is bitter-sweet, the light is finally visible, but the battle is not over. The fear still looms, there is a PPO still in place and I still fear every day that he will get the revenge he has promised. However, I will not let that fear determine how I live my life, I will continue to help my friends when they need me so they can see there is a way out, I will show my kids that we deserve nothing but the best life has to offer, not materialistically, but in love and honor and respect. We will encounter more bumps, there will be more tears and hard times ahead, but we will overcome them and come out the other side stronger than before.
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