This weekend I went away on a camping trip with my family. On the Friday night my niece and I took showers and she wanted someone to brush her hair, so I told her I would do it. We were up in the bathrooms and I started brushing it and she was telling me how good it felt and how she loved when she had her hair brushed. I told her it was my favorite thing too, it is so relaxing. Then, she reminded me of something that brought tears to my eyes. She looked at me in the mirror and said "Aunt Julie remember when Jimmy used to always love to brush your hair for you when you took a shower?" I had forgotten about that. She was so right, he would always be waiting for me when I got out of the shower, sitting on the edge of our bed, brush in hand and he would gently brush my hair every night. Those were the times he would show true affection towards me, those were times I knew why I loved him.
Those little things that he used to do for me, before his words became harsh and his fists became hard, are the little things I want to take away and hope to find again some day. I won't ever settle for less than what I deserve because I know what I have to offer is hard to come by. All I ever wanted was to be a wife & lover to my husband, a mother & friend to my kids and go to bed every night knowing & feeling in my heart I am safe in the arms of the man I will devote myself too & he is equally devoted.
I remember there were good times, it is hard to dig deep and find them amongst all the scars. The sad reality of my situation is, abuse made me stronger.
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